An Indian Journey through Lent, Day 17
This diary entry is delayed because of a conversation that lasted well into the night. That followed a similar conversation earlier in the day; a theme about which I wrote in some detail in our first blog this year, “Manali Missives 1/2014 A long pondered Issue On Love in India:
A Reflection on Love, Sex and Marriage after 30 Years’ Matrimony”; and many conversations, including with at least one professional counsellor. And of course my own observations.
This suite of issues has formed such a strong theme that I felt they deserved further reflection. Here are some generalisations to which I invite response.
In India:
1. the institutions of marriage and family are sacrosanct in ways that westerners are not used to. Many forces in the culture combine to place them on a pedestal;
2. most marriages are still arranged, generally by members of the families of the couple;
3. there are often few chances for the couple to get to know each other before marriage, or for each of them to make unpressured decisions about their relationship;
4. women in particular are often pressured to regard marriage as the purpose of their lives;
5. although the exchange of a dowry is illegal it is a common practice;
6. marriage can be regarded as a panacea, a cure for problems in relationships and/or the people in them;
7. the reputation of the family is frequently considered to be more important than the well-being of it members;
8. consequently, although the divorce rate is low, the pressure on marriages to appear successful can lead to hiding problems and hiding from problems. A common response to a dysfunctional relationship is to develop a “show” marriage entailing a minimum of contact between partners in the home but the appearance of a happy relationship outside it;
9. this in its turn causes relationship pain.
To be continued.
This diary entry is delayed because of a conversation that lasted well into the night. That followed a similar conversation earlier in the day; a theme about which I wrote in some detail in our first blog this year, “Manali Missives 1/2014 A long pondered Issue On Love in India:
A Reflection on Love, Sex and Marriage after 30 Years’ Matrimony”; and many conversations, including with at least one professional counsellor. And of course my own observations.
This suite of issues has formed such a strong theme that I felt they deserved further reflection. Here are some generalisations to which I invite response.
In India:
1. the institutions of marriage and family are sacrosanct in ways that westerners are not used to. Many forces in the culture combine to place them on a pedestal;
2. most marriages are still arranged, generally by members of the families of the couple;
3. there are often few chances for the couple to get to know each other before marriage, or for each of them to make unpressured decisions about their relationship;
4. women in particular are often pressured to regard marriage as the purpose of their lives;
5. although the exchange of a dowry is illegal it is a common practice;
6. marriage can be regarded as a panacea, a cure for problems in relationships and/or the people in them;
7. the reputation of the family is frequently considered to be more important than the well-being of it members;
8. consequently, although the divorce rate is low, the pressure on marriages to appear successful can lead to hiding problems and hiding from problems. A common response to a dysfunctional relationship is to develop a “show” marriage entailing a minimum of contact between partners in the home but the appearance of a happy relationship outside it;
9. this in its turn causes relationship pain.
To be continued.
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